so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
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I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
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Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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