btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
