Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He shit in the fireplace
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
