Need sex. Gaining weight.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
