She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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