i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Randomize
