Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
