Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
