gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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