bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Randomize
