Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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