You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
