Plan B is the new Plan A
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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