Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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