uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
