Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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