oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
