Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
