Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
