I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
