I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
