She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
