I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
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Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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