So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Terrible idea I love it
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
