Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
