in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
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She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
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She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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