She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
