So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
