Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch