I showed him my bush... on skype.
false alarm. still invincible.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.