If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.