ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.