wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum