Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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