In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
