haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
