i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
