Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
