People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
