My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
