Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize