Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
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We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize