she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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