so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
