And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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