Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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