doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
he had hair everywhere except his balls
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
