I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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