I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
