I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
