dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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