So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
