it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
