he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
two words...techno handjob
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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