My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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