thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
