This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
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She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
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If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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