Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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