She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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