Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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