when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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