ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
