That's intense
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
