she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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