I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
