Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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